Pete Bartilucci was one of eight kids growing up in a crowded house। Now a successful 42-year-old entrepreneur, Pete recently got together with his dad and asked him a question that had been on his mind a long time. “Dad, why were you so tough on Mom when we were growing up?”His dad was taken aback, “What do you mean?” “You were very hard on Mom. How come?”“Son, I had to make sure you kids had food and a roof over your heads,” his dad said, a defensive note in his voice.Pete asked again, “But Dad, why were you mean to Mom?”“Pete, it was tough raising a family….”Pete persisted. “I know, Dad. But why?”His dad was very quiet. Fifteen seconds crawled by like an hour. He leaned back and finally responded. “Son, I was so young and handsome. I had great potential.”Pete looked at him, a little puzzled. “You see, Pete, your mom and I were very young. I had a promising baseball career. But I was madly in love with your mom. We got married when we were 19 and, soon afterwards, she got pregnant. Family responsibilities quickly piled on. Five years later, we already had the fourth child on the way. There was just no time to pursue baseball anymore. I got a job driving a truck, and I did whatever I could to provide for you and the family.”Pete had unearthed a deep emotion. His dad had regrets. He’d never pursued his passion, and he’d resented it over the years. Yet he’d never talked about it; he’d only taken his frustration out on Pete’s mom.Pete learned something he’d never known about his father. He also learned the importance of asking why — and repeating it until he’d dug beneath the surface of the superficial conversations he’d had with his father for many years. It was a painful discussion, to be sure, but a meaningful one about the choices we make in our lives and the prices we pay. Today, Pete and his father are very close, and his parents’ relationship has improved — mostly as a result of that conversation.HOW ARE YOU ASKING “WHY?” Are there ways you can further strengthen your customer relationships or do you already know everything there is to know about them — or think you do? Of course, you’re not going to have as deeply personal conversations with your clients as you have with your loved ones, but asking appropriate “Why” questions helps you understand your customers’ motives.Some customers act out of fear, others out of self-interest, and still others out of a desire to increase profits. Being able to uncover their motives brings you invaluable insight into how your customers operate and what they truly value in doing business with you. For example, a client who seems abrupt, opinionated, short-sighted, or just plain set in his ways may still be feeling the sting of having been burned by previous vendors. Perhaps his boss is in infatuated with their current vendor, and he won’t dare put his job on the line and disrupt the relationship. Maybe he’s under pressure from upper management to produce results not in six months but NOW, or he's competing with his peers for the next job up, or he's already working 80 hours a week and you're pitching for change. No wonder our message seems to be falling on deaf ears!Unearthing our customers’ emotions and understanding where they’re coming from helps us in myriad ways, including:
Understanding better how we can present a solution that’s meaningful to them.
Realizing that the sense of urgency isn't there.
Grasping that we're not talking to the right person.
Discovering we haven’t yet uncovered what’s important to the customer, so we must keep digging.
Try these examples of different ways to ask why — to probe deeper and to better understand what’s motivating your customers:
“Tell me what’s prompting your interest in ….?”
“Share with me what’s motivating your decision to….?”
“What’s causing this to happen?”
“What’s driving this need?”
“What originally led you to this decision?”
“What do you hope to accomplish?”
“Why is this important to you?”
“What is prompting you to consider this option?”
“If you could achieve this result, what will it mean to you?”
“What concerns do you have if you don’t achieve this goal?”
Taking the time to uncover the emotions driving your customers will steer them and you on the right track to a better relationship and greater business success.
